I’m usually a pretty mellow person. While it might not come through the net of ether – especially during online discussions or disagreement – I’m almost always light and carefree. Very few things stress me out…
But, the last two weeks or so has been different. I’ve been stressed out, and I don’t like it.
Now, I know what’s stressing me out… Or, I should say, I know all of the things that taken together are stressing me out. At this point, I can’t go into the details about everything that’s going on, because many of them are ongoing. Hopefully, I’ll be able to share more in the next month or so.
But, really, the causes are not that important. None of them are life threatening or relationship threatening or anything like that. However, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still stressed.
A few times, I’ve had trouble going to sleep. Sometimes, I’m quiet or just want to spend time by myself. I’ve vegged out on video games. I’ve been discouraged. I’ve dealt with the stress in many different ways – but I’m still stressed.
Of course, I’ve prayed… often… regularly… now. I’ve read Scripture. I’ve talked with my family and some friends.
I know that I’m stressed, and I don’t like it.
Times like this are difficult… but often very important. Whether it’s stress or anxiety or depression or pain or illness or something else, it reminds us how desperately we depend on God.
What’s interesting is that in spite of the stress, my faith is strong, and I’ve never doubted God. I know and trust that he is in control. (Yes, I know this may sound contradictory… but, oh well.)
So, why am I sharing this with you? Do I want you to fix my stress problems? No. Do I want your pity or mercy? No, not really. Do I want you to pray for me. Sure, but, I always want you to pray for me. But, I didn’t write this so that you would pray for me.
Instead, I’m just trying to share more of myself with you. You may not care, and you may not want to read this kind of post, and that’s fine. But, to me, sharing all of life is important – even the parts that aren’t necessarily pretty. Right now, this is me.
I’m also hoping that this post will be encouraging to someone. Yep, encouraging. You see, too often Christians (especially those in the public eye) are all smiles and roses. But, life isn’t all smiles and roses. It doesn’t help others to pretend that everything is great when it’s not.
So, if you’re having a rough time too, just know that I’m right there with you.
So, right now, everything is not great in my life. Like I said, there are no big issues, but I’m not dealing with this stress well. (Thank God that my family has been extremely patient and caring.)