I don’t want to die. It’s true.
Why? Because I have too much to live for. I have good ideas. I’m pretty smart. I enjoy my life. Things are good.
I need to die, but I don’t want to die.
You see, I know that my life is still too much my own. I do not die daily, hourly, minutely. (Yes, I know that “minutely” is not a word, but it works here.)
Why do I not spend more time making disciples and being discipled? Because I want to hold on to my life too much.
Why do I not spend more money helping other people, especially those who are in need and hurting? Because I like my life too much.
Why do I not spend more time serving people? Because there are other things in my life that I would rather do.
You see… I don’t want to die. And, if I want to live for Christ, I must die. Today. This hour. This minute. And the next.
But, I don’t want to. I want to do things my way… the things that I like… the things that bring me joy.
Oh, I have plenty of time to make disciples, to be discipled, and to serve other people… but I’d rather spend my time in other pursuits. I have plenty of money to help those who are in need… but I’d rather spend my money in other ways.
I need to die. But, I don’t want to die. And it’s killing me. Because I know that I need to die.