As I continue to read (slowly) Dave Black’s book The Jesus Paradigm, I’m continually faced with a major problem (see my post “Summer Reading” for a few excerpts). My problem does not stem from disagreeing with the author, but from recognizing my own hypocrisy.
When reading this little book, I usually run into my own hypocrisy in simple statements like “X is not as much a dogma to be believed but a lifestyle to be practiced” (i.e. pg. 119).
And, thus I’m faced with the fact that I “believe” alot of things, but these “beliefs” are not usually demonstrated in my lifestyle. Or, if these “beliefs” are demonstrated in my life, they are demonstrated incompletely and inconsistently. Simply, I am not dying to myself and allowing the risen Christ to live through me. Instead, I am still living too much of my life my way and under my control.
Think about something simple and yet pervasive like loving others. I claim to love others, but I spend most of my time loving myself. It’s true. Why? Because I’m still choosing when, where, how, and why to love. I’m still in control. I’m not dead yet.
You see… my life… it’s not about me… seriously. I am dead, but I continue to live this dead life. “Loving others” and “dying to myself” and “considering others as more important” etc… are dogmas that I believe, but they are not lifestyles that I practice. If anything, they are hobbies.
I’m tired of living my own life and treating Jesus as a hobby.