the weblog of Alan Knox

Searching for fellowship (Guest Blogger)

Posted by on Nov 27, 2007 in edification, fellowship, gathering, guest blogger, unity | 6 comments

I recently received the following email from a reader. I appreciate how this person has shared their struggles and triumphs as they attempt to walk with God. Perhaps you have some words of wisdom or encouragement to share with this “anonymous child of God”, or perhaps you would just like to share your own struggles to find fellowship:



I clicked on your blog link from another website. the verse you have headlining has been one I have been thinking about for a while : And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near. (Heb. 10:24-25 NASB)

Nearly 4 years ago our church – for lack of better words – Blew Up.

In a lot of drama, gossip, rumors, judgement and criticism people became scattered and went their separate ways injured and wounded. There were little “them and us” groups that formed..the mud slinging continued, and people that once claimed to be “family” and love one another became enemies.

Some were just caught in the middle not knowing which end was up. (I think those are the ones my heart aches most for)

The history in a nutshell is that this church was a new church plant about 4 years old. It came into a new area, started in a school gym, the growth exploded, we found a building, and worked very hard trying to get new people in by having lots of events. The church grew quickly and many of the leaders were very new believers. The pastor was working in many ways out of his flesh, though he had a sincere love for the people and for God, in his leadership role, there were times he wounded some. Those he wounded realized that he was not deserving of the pedestal they had placed him on and vowed to destroy him and his family.

As this drama unfolded for the next several years my family had been shunned by many of the people. (you see, the pastor was a family member) So, I can only think that we must in their eyes be guilty by association of the wrong doings they have accused him of.

My best friends walked away from me. People that we used to fellowship with turn from us when we run into them. As a matter of fact, I just ran into a woman last night in the grocery store, when I spoke up and said Hello, she looked up, her face became twisted, she struggled to murmur a quick hello and then looked away…and this is 4 years later…

My whole life I have gone to church on Sunday morning. Though now I realize that it was because that is what I thought I was “supposed to do”.

We have visited a few churches. But nothing feels right. And the thing is, that through this past 4 years, God has been bringing me into a new understanding of his Grace and Mercy. So when I walk into these places and hear legalism be preached, or hear that in my son’s Sunday school class the teacher told him to make sure and bring a dollar next week for the offering…it just turns me off. Not to mention, there is a bit of a fear of people in general after what we have experienced.

My kids ask why we don’t go to church. We have done some “home church” stuff, just here with the kids. But haven’t been consistent. My husband and I have read some books: “The Rest of the Gospel” by Dan Stone, and “Lifetime Guarantee” by Bill Gillam. We both attended a healing retreat that God really met us in. And we have several internet sites that support our growing in grace. And as it applies to our life, we share these understandings with our kids.

But the question for me now is what does not forsaking our own assembling together, mean to me? I do not want to go back to my old ways of thinking and go to a church just because I think we should. But I also feel that we are in this bubble of limited fellowship.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about this passage and what it might mean to me:

Jer 3:13 Only acknowledge your guilt. Admit that you rebelled against the LORD your God and committed adultery against him by worshiping idols under every green tree. Confess that you refused to follow me. I, the LORD, have spoken!
Jer 3:14 “Return home, you wayward children,” says the LORD, “for I am your husband. I will bring you again to the land of Israel–one from here and two from there, from wherever you are scattered.
Jer 3:15 And I will give you leaders after my own heart, who will guide you with knowledge and understanding.”
Jer 3:16 “And when your land is once more filled with people,” says the LORD, “you will no longer wish for ‘the good old days’ when you possessed the Ark of the LORD’s covenant. Those days will not be missed or even thought about, and there will be no need to rebuild the Ark.

I apologize for this lengthy email. And I am not even sure of my exact purpose for writing to you. But after looking at some of your writings, I thought you might be able to understand our situation and if the Lord leads you, to offer encouragement in Him. Let me also quickly mention that though this past 4 years have been painful and ugly on days, I wouldn’t trade it for the understanding I have gained of who I am in Christ and what His Grace and Mercy means to my life.

Thanks for your time,

(anonymous child of God)


Comments are closed. If you would like to discuss this post, send an email to alan [at] alanknox [dot] net.

  1. 11-28-2007

    Anonymous Child of God~

    I have similar story, only I was a pastor for over 20 years. Stories like yours seem to be more and more common. People are finding new ways to pursue God’s kingdom in community. There are probably several people in your area who would love something of an alternative to Church As We Have Known It. You may have to look pretty hard to find them since they are often under the radar. You may be the person to begin something new. I can’t help but think the best days are ahead for you as you find fresh and meaningful ways to be the church.

  2. 11-28-2007

    Powerful stuff. My wife and I experienced some similiar things when I served on a senior pastor search team. It was one of the many things that helped us embark on our current journey as missionaries. I pray you seek God’s direction and follow it wholeheartedly wherever it leads. Yes, assemble together with others who will encourage you and disciple you and you them, as God leads, but that doesn’t mean you will do so in the way the world believes you must.

  3. 11-28-2007

    Glenn and Bryan,

    Thank you for sharing parts of your stories with my guest blogger. We need to hear from one another and learn from one another. I appreciate how you each tried to help the blogger without suggesting that you have all the answers.


  4. 11-29-2007


    That is a thought that greatly saddens me, that there are people out there “under the radar.” But I have to trust them to the great shepherd!


    I had a picture this morning that I want to share. I am in an amateur dramatics group and when we put on a show the audience see smiles and co ordination. But the rehearsals are far from it! What goes on back stage during the actual performance is tantrums and shouting at people to be quiet and so on. It is the same with film and TV, what we see isn’t real. It is make believe. It is the image the bible uses when for “hypocrisy!”

    I have been involved in a church enough to know what gets presented on Sunday morning isn’t real. When the minister comes out with a big smile and says “Good morning everyone, isn’t it wonderful to gather together in the Lord’s name!” What was going on five minutes before and back stage is shouting, arguing, panicking and so on! I can only imagine more so with mega churches and churches on TV!

    This picture answered in my heart that I do not want a show church, or a theatre church, but a real church. Not, “The show must go on.” but “how are we doing?” I am even prepared to sacrifice polished entertaining speakers for the sake everyone feeling they can share what is on their hearts.

    I think we forsake the one another verses for the sake of the show. We are never told in the Bible to put on a good show, but we are told “clothe yourselves with humility toward one another”, “Greet one another with a kiss of love.”, “As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another.”, “Be hospitable to one another without complaint.”, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.”, “Do not complain, brethren, against one another,”, “Do not speak against one another,”, “let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,”, “But encourage one another day after day,”, “always seek after that which is good for one another”, “Live in peace with one another.”, “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another” and so on!

    In honesty how can we put on a show on a Sunday when these things are not in place? It is interesting that Paul wrote to Titus, “For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another!”


  5. 11-29-2007

    My personal take on the Hebrews verses is that it’s not necessarily referring to church. As a pastor myself I know how handy it would be to have a verse that tells people to go to church. Hebrews 10:25 is as close as the Bible gets so we’ve made them refer exclusively to church.

    However, the context shows that it’s about edifying and encouraging each other, which is done primarily through our good works, no matter where we are, as Christ did for us. I, of course, encourage all believers to go to church because the Bible more or less assumes a believer would.

    I don’t mean this to sound as rude as it may sound, but if you know more than the church does you are hurting the church by not getting involved in it. It’s easy to find fault with fellow sinners. The verses in hebrews say, more or less, “Focus on Christ. Do what’s right for each other.” But that’s just my opinion, and as many people in my church will tell you, I’m an idiot!

  6. 11-30-2007

    Richard- What an accurate picture of reality! The under the radar thing is of concern to me as well. There are a lot of disillusioned and unconnected people out there. For many, the blog-o-shpere is one of their few connections with people.